Hypothetically speaking, if you lived in New York City, New York, and you were given the choice between being a follower of the Judeo-Christian faith or being a Muslim, and you knew the positives and negatives of both, why the fuck would you choose to be a fucking New York Mets fan? Is it the promise of everlasting life? The 41 virgins (the ones in Queens)? Yes, I realize your other choice is to back the Fucking Yankees, but still. If I'm going to be a douche-bag, I'm going to be a winning douche-bag. Just like if I'm going to be spiritual (a term I stole from my girlfriend) I'm going to be a fucking gun toting, Jesus fearing, (mostly) Caucasian, dirty fucking rich Christian. The other would be like turning down tickets to the World Series for tickets to the Special Olympics Pants Shitting Finals. Like living in Canada and being a Curling diehard. Like choosing American Soccer over American Idol. All are ridiculously easy options.
(And speaking of Muslims. Bombing this beautiful new ShitiField would only raise this country's IQ. That's an economic stimulus I can believe in. Now that's patriotism.)
These aren't the Brooklyn Dodgers we're talking about. It's the Mets. It's the team with zero no-hitters and even less class. If your "Legends" include Daryl Strawberry and Dwight Gooden maybe it's time to pick one of the other 29 teams to root for (Yes, even the Royals are a better choice). You're team is named after... Who the fuck knows. A city? THE city? Cities? The Suburbs? Superman's home? Fuck! Why don't they just call themselves the New York Afterthoughts?
And Frankie Says what? Your nickname is K-Rod. Get over it. I wouldn't want a nickname based on Alex Rodriguez's either, but it's too late. I hope you season stats consist of 2 saves, 5 blown saves and 1 ruptured spleen. I'm watching Monday Night Baseball and according to Steve Philips, if you don't like being called K-Rod you should try Oral. Yes, that is actually a real quote from the broadcast. I don't know what he's implying, but I agree. And just as I typed that he said "Don't let 'The Arm' waggle down." You can't make this shit up.
And did anyone notice the EA, David Wright post-game interview? Erin is smitten. It's so cute. I bet she has "David & Erin Forever" written all over her Trapper Keeper.
Apparently, San Diego won. The drinking game tonight consisted of drinking every time the "new stadium" was mentioned, so I'm heading to the hospital for alcohol poisoning(don't worry, I'm driving myself). Stay classy San Diego.
